


The Firsts

by marAA24



Category: Captain America - All Media Types, Conviction (TV 2016), Political Animals
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, But don't worry its not that dark, Depression, Drug Abuse, Drug Use, F/F, F/M, I don't know how to tag yet, I'll learn with time, I'm wasting your time, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-14
Updated: 2017-08-28
Packaged: 2018-08-31 00:05:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 11,531
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8554975
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marAA24/pseuds/marAA24
Summary: While some countries had their Royal families, America had their First families. And the pressure of living under such a spotlight never quite goes away. Hayes Morrison hasn't been the first daughter for years, and for even longer the Hammond family have been out of the White House. But with the end of the elections, the Rogers family just entered the fishbowl. When the two troublesome firsts meet America's new Golden Boy, with his star-spangled tie and the smell of patriotism. The media buzzes with rumours and anticipation of how the three most famous firsts of America will make the news.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> The Firsts would be my first ever fanfic. I never really tried to write in the mind of already established characters. I'm still tinkering and trying to make them as in-character as I can. 
> 
> This would be a bit of an AU:  
> It follows the canon Political Animals (after four years from the end of the show)  
> I will try to closely follow with most Conviction canons, but do my own thing as well. Obviously.  
> It's a bit of a complete CA AU. He's not Captain America, his parents are obviously alive, I still took some of the canon friendships and made other of my own.  
> And the AU we all long for, the 2016 presidential race's end. 
> 
> You actually don't need to watch Political Animals or Conviction or Captain America movies. I will try to explain things about all of them so you have a big picture. If I fail to explain something that's unknown to whom didn't watch them, please tell me. If you did watch all three, I really hope you enjoy this. 
> 
> All feedback, opinions and criticism is highly appreciated.

\-- Hayes --

Every few seconds a camera flashed in one direction or the other. No political party was ever private, and certainly not the first party in honour of the new president-elect Joseph Rogers and his family.  
Every time the light momentarily blinded Hayes, she tried not to wince and plastered a bright smile that said she wouldn’t rather be anywhere else. Although Hayes would rather be home senselessly drinking her problems away, but she figured the open bar would suffice for the time.

Hayes tried not to make a big deal of being avoided by her family, who only granted her a cold hello and a picture for appearances sake, and, unsurprisingly, Connor. She suspected the DA would be angry with her for basically throwing him under the bus, and while, yes, he was the one to make the deal with her mother, essentially blackmailed her, and was responsible for his actions. She didn’t want to come off as ungrateful. She was given a second chance whether thanks to him or ‘privilege’, he was the one to hand her the new job.

After greeting people left and right, avoiding questions about her little work misconduct, a whirlwind of pictures and pleasant, small talk, Hayes finally found an opportunity to head to the bar. She almost collapsed with relief when the cute bartender, she noted for later, got her order.

She gave him a flirtatious smile. “You are a hero. This nation would be no where without you.” He only returned a polite smile that didn’t strike confidence in her already wavering ego. It had only been a day since her brother kicked her out of his hotel, and she took residence in her office. Everyone at work either didn’t know how to act or didn’t care, and the team just ignored anything non-work related lately, except Maxine for some reason. And they weren’t yet in a position to confide emotionally in each other. Maybe they just didn’t want to deal with her ‘privileged, white, first-world’ problems.

No one understood what it was like, they would ridicule whatever struggle she’d have. She couldn’t blame them though, she saw the real problems people had in every case they worked, and every time she’d notice how unimportant hers were.

“I already tried,” a voice remarked lazily from two stools away from her, staring down into his drink. “He’s either really big on commitment or they threatened to sack him.” He gestured widely to himself and Hayes, and continued with a chuckle, “maybe they anticipated this, took action beforehand.”

A small smile grew on Hayes’ face. “We can’t be that predictable, can we?” She promptly took a seat next to him. “Fancy seeing you here Thomas, I didn’t think you’d attend.”

He smiled like a shark, it didn’t work, he still looked angelic. “And miss meeting America’s new Golden Boy, not a chance. I thought you’d be away, hiding.”

“Please! I don’t hide.” Hayes flipped the hair out of her face, then she gave him the innocent, charming smile she reserves for impressing the media. “I hear he has a medal.”

“He’s a war hero,” he retorted in a newscaster voice. “Someone this nation would be proud to call their first son.”

“Even Jackson and Douglas look like failures next to him. It’s not fair.”

He snorted. “Then where do we stand?”

“At the top, when will he ever trend on twitter?”

“Hashtag Steve keeps it real, hmm no, it's a great loss. He already has anyway.” Hayes sighed and ordered another drink.

“Whatever, I’m taking advantage of an open bar.” She put her bag down, fixed her hair.

“Things have been that hard? Does your new job not pay well?” He mocked.

“Coming from you, I’m not that offended.”

“You should, you had it easy.” He didn’t sound judgemental, but teasing and maybe slightly reproaching, with him she could never tell.

“Excuse you,” she said it lightly but she could hear the annoyance in her tone.

“I set the bar pretty low for anyone after me, and you still managed to get bashed and scandalous.” He grinned that famous smile. “I’m proud.” She couldn’t help returning a fraction of that smile. Ever since he was a kid, everyone in the country adored that smile, even when they collectively realised it became fake.

“As if Elaine Barrish would let her son be the talk of the country, your mom kept you out of trouble and most of your mishaps out of the press.”

“So did yours, but mine kept it a secret.”

“She pulled favours for you as well?”

TJ laughed ironically. “She threatened, warned, and bribed. She’s relentless. But no favours with any hot DAs”

“Better off, because hot DAs now hate and refuse to talk to me.”

“Could it be because you exposed his deal with your mom on public, live television and got Internal Affairs to start investigating him?” Hayes didn’t show her surprise at his statement, it was no secret Conner Wallace was being investigated, but it wasn’t publicised in news yet, either. A woman like TJ’s mother would hear of it, but she couldn’t see how TJ would come into this type of information, and his mom wouldn’t have told him.

As if he was expecting her reaction. “I have my connections just as any other person in this party does.”

“Are they any good?”

“You won’t believe.”

“Are they married?” TJ smiled mischievously and that was enough answer to Hayes. “Combined, someone would say we slept with the entire male population.”

“Why, you did my father?”

She scoffed. “No, but I tried to get your brother, how is his marriage, by the way? And you neglected mine.”

“It’s thriving. Did you succeed? And no, I didn’t. Your brother said I wasn’t his type.”

“Yes--my brother rejected you?”

He nodded. “Before or after Anne?”

Hayes gave him a sweet look. “Does it matter?” TJ laughed, shaking his head.

“Could you ask your brother why? Is it my height? They always comment how Douglas is taller.”

Hayes shrugged. “If he talks to me.”

“Oh, your family won’t speak with you too?” TJ said with not without sympathy. Hayes believed it came from actual understanding. After all, her situation had always been so similar to TJ’s. Except, his was darker, and people could pinpoint his excuse. Hayes, on the other hand, people just called her spoiled and a party girl. Once or twice she was even called a whore. Of course, they’d never accuse TJ of that.

Hayes exhaled miserably. “I managed to piss everyone off, what’s your excuse?”

If Hayes felt miserable, the look on TJ’s required a stronger term. Hayes couldn’t help feeling bad for him. She was nineteen when her father got into office, obviously her family was always rich and elite, but never in a way that broadcasted her life. Thomas was only eleven when his dad, Bud Hammond, became president. Later his mother became governor, then she ran for president, and lost, got appointed Secretary of State. Then rumours got out she was planning to run again in twenty-twelve, fortunately the world didn’t end, but her son’s life almost did. And she never ran for office again.

“They stopped caring, just as long as they contain the trouble. Because of the drugs, I went clean for like... a year and then I relapsed. I never stopped drinking, that drove them crazy. They said ‘I couldn’t use everything as a reason or excuse for my shit behaviour’. And I don’t have anything to go back to...” He trailed off with a heavy breath.

Hayes almost reached out and hugged him, but a number of reasons forced her not to; one of them for they weren’t even friends; another would be the public and inappropriate scenery, a camera would flash and a journalist—or bloggers these days, really—would publish the most out of context story they could think of. Hayes couldn’t deal with that at that moment. Also given how they were sitting, it would be uncomfortable and she would probably fall and make a scene.

Instead, Hayes put a hand on his shoulder and decided to put a pause on the sulking. “I think we reclusively sat at the bar long enough for people to have noticed we’re alcoholics as well as drug addicts, and should probably start mingling.”

TJ laughed, but he still stood up with grace as if he hadn’t just had over three drinks, Hayes followed suit and felt quite proud for not stumbling due to the immunity she developed thanks to early-age and day drinking.

They walked a bit further from the bar, to put distance between themselves and temptation when TJ chuckled darkly and put a hand on Hayes’ arm. “Oh, your mother is glaring.”

 

Hayes knew better than to check and just smiled at him and leaned closer. “Wanna give her a show?”

“Do you believe we never actually did it?” He remarked, she was giving him a coy smile, just to rile up her mother more.

“I thought you’re gay?”

TJ shrugged. “I am, but it never hurt a willing party.” She rasied her eyebrows.

“When it looks like they’ll forget about us, and things are too calm, we can always make out in public and start a rumour.” Hayes was only half joking about that. They were both smiling at each other teasingly. It was starting to be noticed, but they were interrupted before a plan formed in Hayes’ mind, that would definitely drive her mother through the roof.

A man stood in front of Hayes and TJ and they’d have to be living under a rock not to recognise him. “Miss Hayes, Mister Thomas. I’m Steve Rogers, pleased to finally meet you.”

True to his words, there stood Steven Rogers, a tall, well-built fine man with his perfectly combed, blond hair; a possibly genuine smile; a soldier’s posture and the face of an angel.

Hayes’ smile matched TJ’s as their faces simultaneously formed into pleasantly surprised politeness. “Yes, nice to meet you.” She shook his hand as he answered, ‘the pleasure is all mine.’

He proceeded to greet TJ when what Hayes assumed was his publicist joined them and exchanged his hellos. Hayes wasn’t shocked they sent him, just in case the pair managed to corrupt the man in the span of a ten-minute talk. He whispered something in Steve’s ear, making him nod his head, and then excused himself.

Steve focused back on them and smiled.“I didn’t know you were friends.” Rogers pointed out.

Hayes laughed shortly. “We’re not.”

TJ continued, “We’re just an elite exclusive club of former firsts who made the news for improper-“

“unseemly.” Hayes contributed.

“... reasons.” TJ finished.

The smile didn't budge and Steve politely nodded.

“We’re just everyone’s favourite. Did he just tell you to cut this short?” Hayes was teasing, but she knew she wasn’t wrong.

Rogers looked slightly guilty, but laughed earnestly. “You can’t be that bad, especially with the fantastic work you’ve been doing at the CIU.” Hayes took the compliment and soaked in it. If there was one thing she was proud of, it was hers and the team’s work at the Convection Integrity Unit. Being recognised for the good things she did was a gratifying feeling as apposed to being condescended with annoying comments of her dating life.

“We do our best.” She tried to sound modest. She glanced to TJ, and noticed how he managed to pay attention to Steve and study the room at the same time, completely aware of his surroundings.

No one said he was stupid, but she realised how they underestimate his intelligence, and he mostly benefitted from that. People would say and do things without their usual guard when in the company of someone they perceive as a junkie. TJ never finished collage and he didn’t follow a political career nor seemed interested in one, but that didn’t mean he didn’t observe them and scrutinise them as much they did him.

Steve made small talk about her job, her mother’s campaign, her brother’s work and hotels. He talked about TJ’s family and even mentioned TJ’s talent at playing the piano, which she forgot he did—someone obviously did their research. He never once mentioned anything about last week’s news and how she came to the job. She admired him for that, he genuinely seemed a good person, no wonder the people adored him. She was almost jealous.

When Steve eventually moved on to other people, TJ and Hayes exchanged a look and groaned together. “I kind of hate him,” she said.

“He’s a saint.”

“Really hot.”

“Makes the rest of us look like assholes.”

“We are.”

The night carried on, She and TJ navigated the party, despite the odd looks from people and how her family and Connor stayed away from her. She enjoyed having someone there, they were on the same wavelength, and understood how the world saw them.

“Why were we never friends?” She asked as they laid on a sofa in a quite lounge they found after the night neared its end.

“Your parents told you to stay away from me,” he stated with conviction. She turned her head to face him, he was hogging a bottle of whiskey.

“They did,” she affirmed. “Why did I listen?”

He shrugged, no annoyance in his stance. “Did you even have friends?”

“No, not many. My brother mainly. Is that pathetic?”

He snorted and took a drink. “Mine was my grandmother.”

“Then we’re both pathetic.” Hayes concluded and saluted him with her own bottle.


	2. Some Obsessions are Healthy

\-- Steve --

The instructions were clear, remember everyone’s name, and the name of every important person in their life. Remember the jobs, the hobbies, the talents. Compliment them about their work and not under any circumstance do you mention the bad, scandals or make the other party feel like you know it. Smile all the time, if you have to be serious; keep a neutral face, but be quick to smile again. Make eye contact with the appropriate parties, know who to shake hands with and who to exchange kisses. Stand straight at all times, don’t over drink, don’t act silly.

All these instructions made sense to Steve, he had to learn the proper etiquette since he was a child. Then came an instruction that while understandable to most, he couldn’t make sense of it: stay afar from Hayes Morrison and Thomas James Hammond. Yet not their brothers and parents, take pictures and have conversations with those. Steve didn’t live under a rock, he knew their reputations, he watched the news old and new, he even knew things that travelled around their circle but not public to the world.

He was aware how people saw them as trouble makers, and that he would be branded as well by association. Even if Steve was a soldier, now a Sargent, who never took an unnecessary pill or over drank at any time of his life. He was perplexed to think people will ignore all these achievements if he talked to the pair a minute too long.

Thomas and Hayes didn’t even behave badly, despite everyone displaying surprise and displeasure when they spent the entire evening in each other’s company. While they were too honest, in a manner decidedly rude, about their opinions and what they got up to, they remained respectful and polite. They followed the same procedures Steve was taught, but people couldn’t view them as more than the party kids they were, as apposed to what they could be.

Hayes was praised for her work for weeks, but it didn’t stop them from looking into it to find a fault to ‘the new Hayes’. They released the story of how she got the job and even when she kept it; thanks to her interview honest, they still judge her. Her family not speaking to her didn’t go unnoticed, and even Connor Wallace, who gave her the job himself, didn’t approach her.

As for TJ, he’d be in and out of the news, even if it has been years and many presidents’ terms since his father, as America’s favourite president, they couldn’t leave that family alone. Recently, they’d only reported events he attended with who. But years ago, he was the talk of the country in a way not even Hayes was.

In spite of the warnings, Steve couldn’t help being interested in them. To him, they were everything he never was, while he was polite; they were charismatic, he was embraced by the public for the good, they were bashed and presented for the bad. They were opposites, he understood that; they were in different positions. TJ and Hayes grew up under scrutiny—especially TJ. Steve just stepped into the spot light and still didn’t feel comfortable; he felt like hiding, even when he had nothing to be ashamed of.

“Oh, look! Your picture with Douglas and Anne... hmm...” She cocked her head with a curious look. “Doug put some weight on, marriage looks good on him.” Steve just shook his head at her. “And there’s a picture of you with the infamous firsts.”

Steve gave her a shocked look, “Natasha!” he chided.

Natasha let out a noise that qualified somewhere between a snort and a cackle. “I saved the picture for you.” She off-handedly mentioned.

“Why would you do that?”

 

Natasha rolled her eyes at Steve’s fake casual demeanour. “Because you’re a wimp and you won’t save it yourself even though you want to. It’s okay Rogers, some obsessions are healthy, the key is to go with it and not act like a pussy.”

Steve threw a nearby book at her head, she’d thankfully just managed to avoid it by less than an inch. The man had a good arm and aim, she almost wanted to ask if he was seriously aiming for her head, and her amazing reflexes and skills saved her from the concussion. It was mainly to appease her pride, but that same pride stopped her from asking.

“You’re an awful person.” Steve grumbled. Natasha almost laughed at his sulky face, Steve was grateful she didn’t, but not so much when she rested her feet on his lap and lightly kicked him in the stomach.

Then she smiled proudly. “Wait ‘til you see the FBIs file on me. It would make your grandmother cry.”

“She’s dead.” He quipped.

She gave him a bored look. “Turn in her grave,” she laughed. “Honestly, mine would probably be proud. She was one tough Babushka.”

Steve looked sympathetic when he asked, “do you miss her?” He started by Natasha’s loud snort.

“God no, she was a bitch.”

Steve nudged her teasingly, “now I know who you take after.”

“Har har har, Rogers. Where’s your boyfriend?”

“Sam is not my boyfriend.” Steve firmly stated.  
Natasha always wanted them to be secretly dating, it was a sick fantasy of him dating his best friend, she had issues. Even when Steve was going out with Sharon, she still made a point of dropping her perverted remarks in front of her. To her disappointment, Sharon was a good sport and always retorted with something equally weird, and thus Natasha finally stopped trying to get rid of her.

 

Natasha was scrolling through articles on the previous night’s gala. There was a lot about Steve and praise to his manners, his looks. “There’s a bit about how you’re such a diplomatic, young gentleman, talking to your fellow associates... hmmm...conversed delightfully with Morrison and Hammond with disregard to their pasts ... In the making of a great politician... After all, he is openly associated with the Russian CI despite her record... ‘keep your friends close and enemy closer’.” Steve felt that bubble of annoyance and anger at the tabloids grow with each word. Natasha rubbed her feet against his thigh. “Steeeeeve! That’s so sweet. Wanna get closer?” She wiggled her eyebrows, eyeing him inappropriately.

He slapped her feet, then pinched one making her yelp. “I hate the media, they’re the worst of humanity. How can they say that about you, about Hayes and TJ.”

“Haaayes, and TeeJay, you went straight to casual names?”

“It’s what the whole world calls them.” Steve didn’t mean to sound defensive or annoyed when saying it.

“That’s so sad Stevie, really!” She put away the laptops and stretched. “Okay, I have a date with Clint, gotta go.”

Steve took the laptop to his lap, “that’s nice, is he taking you somewhere special?” He said to her, his eyes glued to the gallery pictures from the party.

Natasha groaned. “It’s pointless not nice.” That got Steve’s attention from the screen, he gave her a concerned look, she flicked her hand dismissively. “No, we’re not having problems. I just don’t understand this need to wine and dine, that’s to impress a lady, but we’re already together. Where’s the point of dressing up when we both rather be naked.”

“I didn’t need to know that. You don’t do romance?”

She fake gagged. “I prefer the tragic side of love. And I can be romantic...when we’re role-playing and I have to be.”  
“Ugh, I don’t want details about your sex life.” He found a new article, this one was about Hayes and TJ, speculations if they went there as a date, which was just ridiculous and everyone knew better.  
“Yes, you do. Since yours is pathetically lacking, I need to keep your imagination alive.”  
He refused to even look at her, he knew she supported a smug smile anyway. “You’re disturbing.”  
“Hmm, yes and I am also leaving.” She gave him a quick kiss, winked and got off the bed , putting her shoes on. Steve waved as she left his room. He heard her shout to one of his bodyguards outside, laughing and then it went quiet again.

It was one of those rare days Steve stayed at his parents house, but he didn’t like living there. He preferred his apartment, even if it wasn’t a modest one, in comparison to their out-of-a-catalogue, it was at least homey. At least it wasn’t that fishbowl of a museum called the White House. It was every American’s dream, but every family that lived there was broken apart like a nightmare.  
His small, yet expensive rent apartment. It was his; everything in it he had earned. Steve never had issues with his family’s money, he accepted they worked hard to get where they were in this time and country, he even admired them and aspired to be as hard-working as his parents.  
  
Although, since the war, after living under such a chaotic and wearying conditions; he came back with a level of rejection to luxury for the longest time. He was getting better at sleeping on a soft mattress, eating good food, drinking clean water, and just living. He still suffered from insomnia, still felt jumpy, looked behind his back too often. Yet, he was learning.

He felt relief, even when the unsettling feeling of nostalgia hit. The war wasn’t something he wanted to miss; and he didn’t. But ironically, it was a simpler time, despite knowing what was at stake; he knew his orders and exactly how to act, but being the son of the president put him in a new, unfamiliar position. Like Hayes Morrison said, it was a position of privilege and unlike her; Steve didn’t know a way to share that privilege.


	3. Once an Addict, Always an Addict

\-- TJ --

TJ never hid the fact he hated his family, even when he loved them, he hated them and when he hated them, he yearned for that love. They blamed him and he blamed them, yet he knew the blame fell on all sides, including the public, everyone was at fault. His family put him in that position, the people applied the pressure and TJ wasn’t strong enough to handle all of it, his brother managed. Some would say it was mainly because he came out as the first gay son, but his sexuality had always been the least of his issues.

 

Were the drugs his issue? The alcohol? The depression? His family with the constraints and expectations they brought into his world? Was he the problem? 

At least at the moment, TJ knew the problem he had: money. He never that would ever be the issue, but his family had kind of cut him off. They pay for food, for clothes, for his expensive life style. But everyone is holding actual cash from him, they restrained his cards so he wouldn’t be able to draw money. And the issue lay with a small fact of Dealers don’t accept a credit card. The alcohol was easy to find, they had a liquor cabinet in the house, and they were generous enough not to lock him out of it. 

 

He wasn’t dying for a fix anymore, he wasn’t desperate; those days were over, the need to be high to feel better, to find himself. He stopped taking drugs because life was exceptionally difficult, he was alone, and drugs were his only company. Once an addict, always an addict, unless you fight for yourself, but he lost his reason to fight. He hit a wall, he was stuck at a dead-end, everything felt pointless. No career, no future, no love, no friends, no family.

He was just waiting to die, but this time he will have to wait for fate to take its course. Because he promised, and keeping that promise was the only meaningful action he had to do. 

TJ lounged in his king-sized bed, even if it was useless to have such a huge bed given he could never share it with anyone. TJ liked his bed, it was safe. Today of all days, he loved it. It was past afternoon and he hasn’t moved, not even for breakfast. Well, he missed breakfast, everyone knew or predicted he was sleeping off a hangover, so no one bothered coming up to get him; he pretended because they knew him well, not that they didn’t care. One of those options hurt less, and he needed it to hurt less. 

 

His phone was turned off, he was disconnected from the internet and outside world. It was the routine, his own personal set procedures for after any party. He refused to look at articles, pictures. He avoided the news, he avoided anyone who could give him any news. It wasn’t as much of ignorance as it was a defence mechanism. It came from knowledge that nothing new would be said, another criticism, another rumour. ‘Former first son wastes his life away doing nothing’. 

 

TJ contributed nothing to society, and they never forget to mention that. Even Hayes, whom the media loved to pour scorn on as well, was doing good. She would mess up from time to time, sometimes purposefully. Regardless, she had a high education and a lucrative career. TJ even messed those up, he dropped out of schools, of colleges, even dropped out of his love of the piano. He closed every possible door for himself. No one was to blame for that. He wanted to be angry at the media when they attack him, but he was just upset if not really angry at himself.

 

That might be an epiphany for TJ: the problem has and remains to be him personally. 

 

For years after his promise to his grandmother, he had loathed himself and everyday of his existence. He couldn’t even be jealous of Hayes, she didn’t give up, even when they bring her down and seek her skeletons out of the closet, even when they keep hitting her with the worst, she never gave up. She never stop working. She admitted sometimes to have self-sabotaged her work when things get too serious. He at least understood that.

 

People liked to say they were on the same boat, but TJ knew it was untrue. They shared a sea maybe, but they were in different boats. And his was had holes in it. 

 

Hayes was a good person, he liked her. They had quite a time the previous night, they’d even exchanged numbers. He even thought of calling her, but now that he was sober, TJ didn’t feel very confident. It was odd how they’d never talked after exchanging pleasantries in similar occasions in the past. It was always the politically polite conversations and they’d depart ways. He suspected it was mainly because they’d both disappear to get high, drunk or laid. 

 

It was around seven when TJ finally left his bed to go down, he felt hesitant about facing anyone, he almost wanted to sneak around the house. It was quiet downstairs, the staff had probably left or doing something away, there was no sign of any family members. TJ just headed to the kitchen with the hope of not running into anyone. He almost smacked the wall with his head when once again luck was against him and there sat Anne by the counter. 

 

“Hey Anne, how are you doing?” She looked up at him, surprised. TJ tended to have light steps, and small presence, no one could ever detect him until he announced himself or showed in plain sight. 

 

“I’m good.” She smiled tentatively. “Had a good night?” she asked putting her phone down. 

 

TJ nodded heading for the fridge. “Yes, it was good.” 

 

“Yeah...” she gestured to her phone. “There’s already four articles about you and Hayes.” She didn’t say it meanly, Anne was nice and neutral to his situation as long as it wasn’t negatively affecting her husband. 

 

“We had a good time, maybe wholly different to whatever the articles say.” TJ started stacking junk food, water, juices, baked goods that the cooks spend the entire day making. 

 

“Some were being presumptuous and annoying.” She answered honestly. “But the pictures just show you talking mostly,” she quieted and almost looked hesitant. “You were smiling, your old smile, she must be as fun in real life as implied.” 

 

He tried to shrug dismissively, and explained briefly, “we really just talked, it was beneficial we are both in the business of over sharing.” Then he changed the subject. “What are you doing here anyway?” 

 

“Waiting for Doug and your mum, we’re going out for dinner.” TJ didn’t comment that she was already eating a salad, because he had to pretend he didn’t notice her eating habits. Nor did he acknowledge the fact they were all going out, and definitely erased any hurt he wanted to feel, for the sake of it not showing. He had to not care and look the part as well. 

 

“Okay, have fun.” With no further comments he hauled his nourishments and left. It was better to leave at the right time without giving more room for talking, he preferred it that way. 

 

Back in his room, he laid out the feast and streamed crappy reality TV about other privileged, spoiled assholes pretend they have the actual problems in life. It helped with how he felt about his life and problems. At least he knew he wasn’t alone in this. 

 

Everyone tells him he had the key to change his life, that his happiness is in the control of his hands. But he didn’t feel that, he always felt helpless, like he was drowning. Even with no water, he was wrapped in his sadness that dulled the world around him.

 

The actual reasons behind the sadness came years ago, he was just full of them and he didn’t know how to leave it behind. He was living in the after math of all his decisions and the repercussions of his childhood in the White House. Sometime he wished he was poor and suffering, or in war and dying so he could at least justify his feelings. He wanted the guilt over his depression to stop. He wanted the depression to stop. He wanted to stop. 

 

He wanted his drugs. And the time they actually helped, when taking them had purpose. But they don’t work anymore. Even they failed him. But he still chose them over trying to get better. Self-destruction was easy, and he chose easy. TJ never made mistakes, he made choices while conscious of their consequences and going with them because ‘it was easier’. 

Good things don’t come easy and that was his problem


	4. Did It Inspire any Murderous Tendencies

Hayes Morrison had many sides, and every side tells a different story. One would tell she was a victim of circumstance. The other would say she was opportunistic and successful. Another tells you she was spoiled and a child of privilege. Hayes lived as all three, separately and all at once. 

 

Opportunistic Hayes just wrapped up another case, Victim Hayes just made up with her brother and mother, Spoiled Hayes was just kindly kicked out of Connor Wallace’s office. He would never really kick her out, but he gave her a metaphorical kick and she got out.   
He was determined to hurt her, albeit, she hurt him first. But with no bad intentions, she was trying to fix things and ended up screwing them more. 

 

When she first got the job—meaning when she was blackmailed into doing the job—she was partly offended to be handed a wanna-be Cold Case unit. A part of her believed she was prestige and helping criminals out of prison was obscure. But she quickly came to realise, helping wrongly convicted innocents was a higher moral job than helping rich assholes stay rich and get away with murder. The least, she knew it topped prison.   
Hayes wanted to see her brother, to tell him about how her case ended. She wanted to talk to him about Conner and her mother’s advice. 

 

Not only was Hayes thinking about how her ex would be in town, or how her ex was Connor’s ex as well, or how they would be working together. She definitely wasn’t upset that she wanted to be the one to help Connor and fix things, or upset that she aimed to patch things up and maybe even take him up on those suggestions. She wasn’t jealous that two of the people she liked would be talking and working, and neglecting her. 

 

It was her fault. She kept reminding herself to always remember that this was the consequences of her actions. She made mistakes, everyone did. Why did the world have to worry about hers specifically would forever be a factor in her headaches, in her binge drinking, in her recreational use. She didn’t usually need a reason for drinking, but it never hurt to have one. 

 

Hayes was still glad and relieved Jackson was talking to her again. She was afraid of pushing it and moving back in, so she decided to give him space. And to get her own space. She couldn’t be living in hotels and other people’s couches her whole life. Another plan for another day, though. 

 

With the case closed, it was the end of her work day. Hayes was nursing a drink at the office after almost everyone went home. She sat down and took the opportunity to make a call.

 

She didn’t wait for his hello. “Has it been long enough to call you after a date?” 

He laughed. “According to Glamour, yes.” she could hear the wind blowing from his side, then a door slam and things got quiet. 

 

“Did you just kick a guest for me?” Hayes teased. 

 

“I’ll say yes anyway, because you’re worth it.” She had to smile. “... We just got a gift from the Turkish ambassador, some Turkish delight and a bunch of other stuff.” She heard the ruffling of bags. “Something called Floss Halva in four different flavours.” 

 

“I love Turkish delights,” she took a sip and laughed to herself. “but I have to admit, they’re not as delightful as the Turkish ambassador’s son.”

 

TJ’s laugh burst through the receiver, surprised and genuine. “Oh Hayes, I think you’re the delight.” 

 

She twirled the liquid in her glass and answered. She was aware it was within TJ’s nature to compliment and flirt with everyone, so it wasn't annoying. “If I was wouldn’t you have called me?” 

 

“You do important work, I didn’t want to interrupt. But I kept up with the case, and watched the news. Congrats, you caught a killer.” 

 

“We did. A white, rich and pampered boy killed his mother because she didn’t approve of his choices.” 

 

“You have to appreciate the irony. Did it inspire any murderous tendencies towards yours?” She expected the question and she understood it was in good humour.   
And it wasn’t presumptuous, they both knew how similar they were, she might have never actually contemplated killing her mom, but she sure as hell thought of getting rid of her control. 

 

Hayes wanted honesty with TJ, she genuinely wanted the man as her friend. “Not kill her, but it reminded me of our relationship and I was scared it would ever come to such hatred.” TJ hummed in agreement. “I called her, we talked. I can’t say all is forgiven, but it’s progress. And I’m back in my brother’s good graces.” 

 

He was quiet for a minute or so and Hayes was starting to feel guilty knowing his family’s situation. Then he thoughtfully replied, “now you can finally ask Jackson about me.” 

 

“Oh, I already did. But I’ll tell you later over drinks. Are you up for it?” 

 

“I’m always game when it’s you Hayes.” The little shit with his constant flirting. TJ sighed and his tone got serious. “I’m happy for you Hayes, it gives me hope that one of us is getting their shit together.” 

 

“I’m far from that, Thomas.” 

 

“But you’re working for it, and I believe you’ll get there.” She didn’t know what to say, she could do witty any day, but how to show someone she truly appreciated the sentiment was out of her expertise. 

 

“Are you ready to shake the paparazzi?” 

“Put on your best face Hayes. Hope to see you soon.”

* * *

Jackson asked her to move back in, although she’d told him about her plan for a more secure place in the future. He acted rather sceptical but offered to let her stay temporarily until she found her way.

 

Hayes had switched her usual alcohol for coffee as she reviewed the potential new cases, she was looking with the determined mind the kind of case she would like to take next. Some would accuse her of choosing cases based on publicity and attention it gets, Hayes couldn’t deny it was part of the process, but heart was a factor into selecting them. 

 

Tess had picked a stack of new cases for her before Hayes even arrived to the office. If Hayes didn’t know better (because she did know, given she slept here for almost a week) she’d think the girl never left. 

 

Hayes was still gathering thoughts and opinions on her team members. Maxine doesn’t really hide much, she’s a sharer. Sam had vague loyalties, and there was that time he managed to keep a man in prison using what Hayes imagined was unorthodox ways. Frank wasn’t much of a talker, unless it involved his opinion on world issues. But Tess, Tess was all innocent eyes, small voice and hardly expressed any thoughts. Hayes got some information from her, but there was something kind of wonky about her and Hayes needed to figure her out. 

 

Three hours, the people have been standing outside for three hours, with different, colourful signs, each one stating a different opinion. 

 

From ‘Cop Killers ...’ and other terrible notions.

To ‘Black Lives Matter’ and gratitude and calls to equality.

To ‘Racist fucks’ and other censor worthy proverbs.

 

One sign only stated a name, nothing that rang a bell with Hayes. And one in particular said ‘Hayes Morrison is a whore’ and others about Hayes and how she unrightfully got the job. Things like ‘Drug addict’... and her favourite ‘Hayes and TJ are hooking up’. She took a picture of that one and sent it to TJ.

 

She arranged to meet him after the work day for drinks, and God knew she needed a drink. Knowing they would be working together was one thing, seeing Naomi and Conner was another, Conner treating her like a stranger and someone who didn’t matter was just painful. Seeing her exes team up against her was just shit. The case was already hard, the people protesting made it harder. 

 

So she went to get those drinks with TJ, even dressing up to rile the paparazzi. Hayes was tired of their shit, and decided to serve them her own. When they met, he looked as poised and dapper as ever, despite the sadness that lingers in his eyes, a smile was ready to shine when needed.

 

“He actually sent my ex, instead of even talking to me himself. And they had the cheek to tell me to stop being seen with you.” Hayes vented exasperated. TJ just laughed and raised his drink. 

 

“I’m not surprised, are you?” 

 

“Not really, but it’s a bit of a low move. People don’t do that. Not even my mom brought you up. And if that’s her way of doing it, and Conner is still in her pocket... it’s fucked up and annoying.”

 

“That’s the way our lives have been going lately.” On that note, they both took a shot. 

 

“I get it, why he’s doing it. But I also don’t get it.” 

 

“Yeah, me neither. How can someone think I can stay away from you.” He gave her a charming smile that made her stomach melt. She laughed wholeheartedly, if not partly confounding. 

 

“Tommy, are you hitting on me to try to sex me up?”

 

“Are you asking if that’s my objective?” His eyes had a mischievous glint that was almost blinding before he laughed. “No, I just can’t help it. You’re you and I am catching up on lost time.” 

 

“Do you actually sleep with women, though?” 

“Why? Are you judging?”

 

Hayes shrugged in denial. “I mean, I do.” 

 

TJ clicked his fingers, his mouth agape. “I seem to just remember you had a girlfriend.” TJ was bobbing his head as if he just remembered Kennedy was assassinated. 

 

Hayes nodded. “Well... do you?” 

 

He seemed to remember they was a reason behind his line of thought, and casually answered, “oh yeah!” 

 

Hayes couldn’t say she was shocked, yet she certainly wasn’t expecting it. “So you do that just to authenticate your sexuality?” 

 

“Something like that?” 

 

“And you perform just the same?”

 

The question earned her a wide, evil smile. “Asking for a friend? Or are you interested?”

 

Hayes let out a laugh. On another day, another week, Hayes would’ve been down on him faster than Trump declaring another bankruptcy. She’d make sure to have a big spectacle of it. She would love to see people’s reaction, it would ruffle her mother’s feathers and it would get Conner’s attention. And Thomas was one fine looking man, and his reputation somewhat precedes him. But that wasn’t what Hayes wanted at the moment. Not what she needed. 

 

She sighed and softly said, “I’m a disaster.” The statement seemed to have sobered TJ up a bit. “I am the leading expert on ruining things for myself and others around me. Sometimes it feels like I prefer living in the consequences of sabotaging things. But... this-“ she gestured between them. “This is good. After the week I’ve had of everyone I care for cutting me off like that, after the cases and lives I’ve seen. I want to learn to cherish it. And you’re the only one who really understands. We’re so alike, we played their game wrong, or we played it right. Who knows?

 

“They would blame it on the drugs, on the alcohol and precarious behaviour. They’re wrong. It may be us, or maybe our lives. But what I know for sure is that privilege is toxic. Yet it runs in our blood.”   
Hayes met TJ’s eyes, hers watery, his deep and concentrated. “I don’t want to ruin this for a sex scandal.” She rolled her eyes. “Not yet at least.”

 

The last part didn’t have the desired effect of lightening the mood. TJ’s eyes still looked like pools of black with the hint of blue that’s not always visible. Slowly, a tender smile formed and he put his arm around her and embraced her to his side. A wave of relief washed over her, her shoulders sagged and she rested her head on his shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm getting annoyed at myself. I am stuck between too closely following Conviction cannon and between wanting to do my own things. And writing an on going fanfic with the series is kind of confusing. I shall get my shit together and not pay much attention to the cases, or I will try! 
> 
> I hope you guys are liking it, I would appreciate any feedback, especially on things that you feel that are odd or don't work.


	5. I'm running with royalty now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I'm gonna start ignoring the Conviction canon. Especially with the whole Wayes becoming an item. Not because I don't ship it (I do), but I think it's too rushed tbh. And it doesn't quite fit with the story I'm doing. So yeah. I will still acknowledge the cases, because they are always so important. 
> 
> Thank you for reading, and all those who left kudos or a comment, you champions keep me fueled. 
> 
> And no, I am not entirely sure where this fic is going. I'm making things up and enjoying it as I go.

– Steve – 

Steve never used an alarm clock since he’d been ten-years old, when you grow up with a soldier for a father, alarms prove themselves to be redundant. Unless Steve counted the alarm he felt everyday for a week when his dad started waking him up right after dawn, until slowly his brain started adjusting to that. Then came the army, which was even less forgiving than his father. 

With time, waking up at what Natasha called ‘ungodly hours’ became engraved unto Steve’s mind. When he was younger, he would have breakfast with his father, have a talk about the latest news on politics and the occasional major sports news. When he grew up and after his time of service, Steve preferred running. It kept him fit when he didn’t have time for the gym, cleared his thoughts if he had trouble, and a time to spend with his best friend. 

Steve and Sam had met many times before finding themselves as bunk beds buddies in the training camp. In there, their friendship had blossomed; it tended to happen quickly when you share sweat and tears with someone. They also signed to the same unit, and the bonds created in battle, are the most unbreakable kind. Natasha said it was more binding than marriage, but he suspected it was mainly because of her fantasy. 

“I’m running with royalty now.” 

 

“It doesn’t really count as royalty.” Steve retorted to Sam’s constant mockery. Sometimes it was better to shut him off rather than give Sam some of his sass back. Steve learned the hard way, after they’d been at it for hours trying to out wit the other. 

“As you say your highness.” Steve rolled his eyes. 

“That’s Captain for you, soldier.” 

Sam nodded, “Roger that, Rogers.” 

“Never repeat that again.” 

“Yes ma’am.” Steve pushed his friend’s shoulder, both of them coming into a halt. Sam lost his breath from laughing at Steve, clutching his stomach. 

Steve sometimes deeply questioned the kind of company he keeps. 

“I’m beginning to regret knowing you.” He voiced his thoughts to Sam, always did. No matter how weird. 

“You’re right, now that you’re pompous and your daddy’s the president-“

“Exactly, which is why you should watch your tone.” 

Sam dismissed him. “You can’t be seen with the commoners. Except Natasha, she’s a gem for your reputation.” Steve refused to grave him with a reply. 

“I saw you met the formers, you still have a crush on one of them?” Sam snorted. 

“Shut up!” 

“You can tell me, Rogers. I keep all your secrets. Which one was it? Or was it both?” He put two fingers in Sam’s face, wiggling them. Steve slapped his hand away.

“You’re a nuisance.” Sam shrugged sheepishly. 

“You know me, I don’t judge, even if you have a crush on...” he trailed cocking his head. “you know... drug addicts.” He raised his arms in surrender. “I respect that, your choice man.” 

Steve eyed Sam in way that told him that Steve was going to start glaring. Sam always understood whatever message Steve tried to convey without voicing it. But seven out of ten times, he chose to ignore it anyway. Especially if it had been about him acting like a little shit. “We’re done talking, I am going to run ahead to my home and make sure that security doesn’t let you in.” Steve said as he started jogging before sprinting down the street knowing Sam wouldn’t catch up. 

Steve was always faster, it frustrated Sam, Steve flaunted it as much as he could. 

He did go home, already knowing Sam stopped following him two blocks back. He found his mother in the living room, boxes towering over her, she was on the floor stacking books in one of the boxes. 

“You’re already packing? I thought that place was already furnished anyway.” His mother turned to him with a smile. 

“Hey, son. Good morning to you too, I’m glad I taught you manners honey.” He laughed shortly and leaned on the door frame giving her a soft smile. 

“Do you need help with that?” He gestured to the room. She waved him off. 

“Honey, no matter how much discipline and order you and your father were taught, neatness comes natural.” She put a hand to her heart and smiled sadly. “And I am sorry to say, you have none. I don’t want your messy nature around my valuables.” 

“You’ve always been so appreciative ma.” He teased. She just chuckled and shooed him away. He was about to head upstairs when she called him back. 

He returned to the room, when she told him. “Steve, clear your plans for tomorrow morning, we’re going for a brunch with a new friend of mine.” 

“New?” he raised his eyebrows. “Not undermining your charm, but don’t you think that new friendships at this time kind of have motives?” 

“Honey, she has more power in this country than I’d ever hope. She doesn’t need my empty future position, one she had herself.” Steve gave his mother a dubious look, she smiled at him angelically. “It’s not Harper Morrison, although I am endorsing her campaign.” Steve was almost disappointed until he perked up when she continued. “It’s Elaine actually, we met so many times before, but we never tried to connect. So we’re meeting for brunch and you’re coming.” 

“How can I ever refuse the first-lady!” Steve paused to smile sheepishly at his mother’s sharp stare. “I’ll be there, don’t worry. But I have to go, I have a meeting, so...” He rapped on the wooden door frame and gave her a wave, she returned the gesture. 

Absent-minded, Steve looked at the paintings on the wall decorating the DA’s office, he saw the colours, the shapes, couldn’t understand the meaning behind it, but he wasn’t thinking that hard about it either. Steve was a patient man, it was a virtue he prided himself in. And people for some reason liked to test it to its limits. 

“Captain Rogers!” 

Steve startled at the exclamation and turned to see Hayes Morrison looking at him with keen eyes. She had intelligent eyes, he noted, there was always amusement behind each gaze. 

“Miss Morrison.” He nodded. 

She smiled and waved him off. “Oh! Just call me Hayes, everyone does, why shouldn’t you!” Steve only smiled politely. “You’re here for the meeting, lucky you.” 

“Are you here for a case?” 

“Yes, and no. We just wrapped one, and I was about to drop the reports.” 

That was when the secretary spoke up. “You could always hand them to me and I will put it on his desk.” 

Hayes turned to her with a smile that promised mischief. “Where’s the fun in that.” She looked back to him and explained, “I would usually barge in his office, but this will be more interesting.” Steve always heard about Hayes stirring trouble wherever she can, he couldn’t quite grasp how she could cause anything in their world where every word was held against them. But he saw it was the sharp eyes, her quick wit that riled people, she played by her rules and made things harder. He noticed the tension in the secretary that proved Hayes didn’t comply to the norms of the office. 

“How’s life in the spotlight?” 

“Everything I do seems so shocking and worthy of a full length article.” 

“You’re their war hero, they’d love everything you do. You arrived with a golden boy image, show them otherwise and would riot against you.” Steve couldn’t think of a reply, but it was okay since Hayes wasn’t even done. “See, the media hates being proven wrong. When I stop playing around and get a job to do good, they did everything to prove I’m not. They’d rather report on my holidays and social life.” 

Steve wasn’t about to disagree or defend the media, but he had to argue. “You still have been stirring controversy and trouble from the cases you take.” 

“I have to get their attention somehow.” The smile on Steve’s face was one that came with surprise, but had to remain polite, it wasn’t professional to frown at such a comment. Given Hayes was raised among this behaviour and interpreted immediately. 

She continued in a patient tone, but he can see her eyes almost rolling. “No Captain, it’s not a publicity stunt. But when they try to tear me down every step of the way, I’m not going to play by their book; you challenge them before they erase you.” 

Steve heard the irritation in her voice, and understood as much as he could. As a white man, Steve had no problems in the world, not many obstacles. Hayes recognised she had the privilege of white people, position of power and family ties, but even she couldn’t escape the bigotry of men. She saw that and she decided to fight for those who were less fortunate while fighting as a woman for her own. 

Steve admired her for fighting the real fight, for defending who she can. 

“You have been to war, Captain. But the real savages are in politics. So you be careful.” 

He nodded. “Thank you Miss Morrison.” 

With her chin up, she pushed her hair back and smiled widely at him. “Good talk, Steve.” Hayes said before looking behind him. “Wallace,” she called. 

“Miss Morrison...” Steve saw the said man’s hesitation in the syllables. “Can I help you?” 

“I just wanted to drop these for your secretary, but I decided to entertain your guest here.” She said it with ease, her face coloured with the smile that seemed to hold so much more than Steve can comprehend. She handed the files to Wallace instead of the other woman. If he wasn’t paying as much attention to her, he would’ve missed the subtle wink to the DA, who stood with proud shoulders, and didn’t react to her. It seemed like he was used to it, and only smiled at her then turned it to Steve. 

“Welcome, Captain Rogers, I’m sorry we kept you waiting.”


	6. Chapter 6

\- TJ - 

 

TJ only knew how to describe his days lately as a sulk-fest, where he spent it in bed, surrounded by snacks, booze, self-deprecation and music sheets. He tried to compose, but he couldn’t do anything proper unless he played, and TJ wasn’t ready to go near a piano. 

 

The radio ran in the background as he paid no attention to what’s on it; he was never really fond of TV as of lately and the radio offered a good enough noise to fill the usual silence. 

Except when one morning, a knock sounded through the music, at first he thought the radio was its source, and he was too startled by the interruption that he realised it was his door and he’d already answered an automatic “come in.” 

 

Slowly, almost hesitantly, his door opened and a delicate, yet imposing form stood at the door. TJ tried to mask the surprise, got up to turn off the music, too aware of the state of his room: from the mess of the papers to strewn empty bags of chips and the stacks of empty bottles in the corner; he’d tried to clean. 

 

He turned to face his mother, his hands going from his hair to resting on his sides and then rested them on his hips, “mom?” 

 

He ignored the way her eyes travelled over the room and the downward tug of her mouth, his hands still dancing around, looking for a comfortable placement. Her gaze met his and he relaxed his stance. 

 

“TJ, I didn’t think you’d actually be up this early.” She said with a small smile. 

 

He rubbed the back of his neck, glad he hadn’t been drinking for hours. “I didn’t actually go... go to sleep, yet.” Her eyebrows shot skyward but he could feel she was biting her tongue. 

 

Elaine nodded, scrapping worry from her tone and kind of failing, “if you’re tired, I’ll leave you-“ 

 

“No, no...” he said with a flick of his hand, his nerves very obviously showing on the surface. “Did you need something?” He desperately tried to hide any eagerness, but God knew TJ almost shed his skin from anticipation. His Mother, Elaine Parrish was willingly in his room and not to scold him. 

 

She elegantly clasped her hands together. “Well, I am going to a brunch today and wondered if you’d like to accompany me?” 

 

She announced it so casually, although TJ almost went blue in the face from the shock; he'd forgotten how to breathe. 

 

In confusion, he shrugged, and enquired, “Doug and Anne already left to Paris?” 

 

Elaine barely held from sighing, “no, they’re going next week.” She looked at her son, containing the pain she felt from seeing his state in the last few years. In a softer tone, “I... I want you to accompany me to the brunch. 

 

TJ wanted so badly to put his defences up, reinforce the walls he built around him, retreat into a corner and not venture into the wild. But a part of him yearned for this day, this opportunity to be seen again, for the nice brunches and shopping dates he had with his mother. He missed her, he loved her even when he hated her. But he could never really hate her despite all the anger.

 

Without much thought, he voiced “why?” 

 

“It’s not everyday that I get invited to brunch with the first madam herself, I thought you’d like to join, you always loved these occasions.” He cocked his head, still hazy with confusion and surprise. “You know Doug isn’t really into social gatherings like this, he’s all about the politics.” 

 

After a minute of silence, at last he answered in a low voice, “when?” 

 

“In a couple of hours, a car will pick us up before twelve,” she said. He can see a smile threatening to light her face. He suspected his face looked just as hopeful no matter how much he tried to hide it. 

 

“I need to clean up, find something to wear and I’ll be right with you.” 

 

Elaine allowed the smile to grace her face, he noted how smiling made her look younger, something tugged at his heart when he realised he was the likely leading-cause behind all of the frowning that caused the wrinkles around her eyes. 

 

“I’ll leave you to it,” with that she bid her excuse and retreated from the room. For once, TJ didn’t try to crush the hope he felt coursing through him, knowing fully he’d live to regret it. 

With their arms looped together, TJ and Elaine walked into the wide sun-kissed terrace, the steady chatter and clatter didn’t muffle the soft music, TJ recognised the tunes of Ryuichi Sakamoto, which was one of TJ’s favourite composers. He fleetingly wondered why they’d play his music instead of some preppy brunch remix, but he remembered the guests believed preppy music didn’t emit enough class for their tastes. 

A man dressed in a pristine uniform who announced himself the host guided them to their table. TJ’s mother sent some greeting to passers-by whom recognised her, TJ just kept his head down and tried to avoid any eye contact. The smell of food while admittedly spoke of the chef’s wondrous expertise, it unsettled TJ’s stomach; nausea making his head spin a little. 

As they approached their table, the Rogers’ stood up, Sarah Rogers in all her elegance and a kind face, that matched her son’s, embraced Elaine like an old friend. She turned to TJ, a genuine smile gracing her sharp features; his heart squeezed painfully. A smile like hers should be protected and kept away from this world. From a young age, TJ learned how to fake a smile, he mastered the buoyant smile that supposedly charmed the whole Nation. 

Doug always cared more about the politics not the political; pleasantries were never his area of power and he knew that, which was why he handled what’s behind the scenes and TJ was always on stage, under the country’s scrutiny. His grandmother was the only one who knew how to deal with their lifestyle and still maintain her sanity, as much as she had in the first place. Nana allowed no bullshit; she saw through his smile and his lies, she smiled at who she liked and she frowned at those she sassed. 

 

Then came Steve, all nice muscles and nice manners. With an effort TJ tried not to linger too much on his physique and immediately discarded the thought when he noted how good he smelled. TJ remained professional and friendly on the surface.  
They all, finally, sat down and TJ’s stomach did another mean squeeze and he thanked the lord that at least the incoming headache was bearable. 

"I’m not sure they should be doing that,” he said noting two people setting on a couch near the terrace’s end, a red head and a blond, slouched with a hookah passing between them. It wasn't the most sophisticated sight around all the straight backs and cashmere coats. 

 

“They're not the best rule abiding citizens.” Steve replied looking at them, his head did a little shake at the sight. 

 

"Who gave them a pass?” 

 

"I did.” TJ let his eyebrows express his surprise. The couple didn't exactly look like his kind of flag-waver crowd. 

 

"They're friends,” he said as the only explanation, though he looked like he was contemplating something, with furrowed brows and a slightly ajar mouth. Before he could gather a better answer, his mother called for TJ. 

“Thomas,” he focused his attention on the First Lady. “I remember one New Year’s party your family hosted you played a beautiful ----, I never again heard someone do it better, especially accompanied with your grandmother's voice.” 

TJ's stomach turned, but his expression held. “That’s very kind of you, thank you.” 

“Do you have any plans with that, you have such a marvellous talent it would be terrible to see it waste.” 

“I am trying to work on a couple of projects,” that got his mother's attention, being the first time she heard of this. Everyone in the Hammond household knew TJ hadn't touched a piano in years. “You can't rush these kind of things.”

“Indeed, I am really looking forward to it.” She said with such sincerity that he felt the tug to protect a kind person from this dark world pull tight. TJ suspected either she was much stronger and perceptive than anyone would anticipate or she had a naive outlook and hopes to change things. He was rightfully conflicted on which to hope for. 

The conversation detoured back to his mother and they discussed whatever it is woman in power talk about; how incompetent everyone else really is, how men are stingy and hog all positions that would fare much better under a cunning lady than his grubby hands, how some women accept that as rule of life. Or life in general, they seemed to be laughing and unlikely at anyone's expense. 

 

As they finished their meals, Steve suggested they join his friends, the same ones who were laughing obnoxiously and one of them was definitely slouching, TJ took an instant liking to their odd (or normal), ‘peasant-like'--as a lady dressed like a turnip remarked--behaviour.

 

Their mothers decided to continue their conversation in a quieter area, with cups of tea, in a true posh-like fashion. 

 

Neither of the redhead or blond moved when Steve and TJ approached them, he, himself, wasn't much to see, and while he didn't expect them to bow to Rogers; they didn't care to even sit up. 

 

“Hey, royalty is gracing us.” The guy drawled, raising his hand in either wave or salute. 

 

“Could you at least pretend you’re not drunk yet?” Steve said in lieu of greeting. 

 

The guy gave him a confound look. “I'm not drunk yet.”

 

Rogers turns to TJ, with his hand pointing to the couple. “That’s Natasha and Clint, the degenerate company I decided to keep.” He said, startling a laugh from TJ. “Guys, this is Thomas Hammond, you may know him.” 

 

“TJ is fine.” He is faced with broad smiles from both, while the woman's seemed slightly dangerous, making his gaze linger; he could swear he saw that smile somewhere, sometime. 

 

Before his brain made the connection, Clint pointed at him. “I read all about you!” Dread almost started eating his stomach while the hangover was eating his brain. “You're a legend. I hear you can be quite the party...” he seemed to lost track of his thoughts then nodded convinced. “We should party.” 

 

“Sure.” 

 

They sat down on the other empty double seat, when the host stood over them. “I am sorry for the interruption, sir. Forgive my straight-forwardness.” He directed his words to Rogers. Then looked to Clint and frowned. “I ask you again to keep quiet to not disturb other guests. I apologise for the inconvenience.”

 

“I'm sorry, I'm hard of hearing, I didn't notice.” TJ almost thought he was bluffing until he pointed to his ears and he spotted something white and small in it. 

 

Steve followed it up with his own apology and promised to have it under control. The man gratefully excused himself. TJ knew better than to pry about personal matter like these and instead focused on Natasha who had been giving him the same attention. 

 

“Have I met you before?” his eyes narrowed as he willed his brain to recall. 

 

Natasha put a hand to her heart, and said, “I like to think I leave a mark on people, so I hope we didn't if you can't remember.” 

 

Steve kindly contributed, “she has been making appearances in most tabloids lately.” 

 

“Yeah, I don't look at them,” he replied with an offhanded gesture. It got a few confused looks, but it wasn't worth asking about, they seem to conclude. 

 

TJ knew that when he’d seen her, was a long time ago, not recently. She let him stare at her face in case it helped, but when she changed her sitting position, it was the agility and finesse of her movement that finally sparked it. And he remembered. 

_“Well, this is awkward.” TJ announced when the woman walked into the backroom while he stuffed every pocket and nook in his outfit with every type of drug left on the table._

_The redhead smirking at him had been dragged in ten minutes ago, his dealer said he was going to ‘teach her a lesson’ not to mess with his crooks. She looked rather chill as they tried to drag her. TJ was asked to step into the other room because things were getting ugly; he quickly realised from the look in her eyes which side will have it worse and went in piece._

_“You sure you wanna be stealing from him?” She leaned on the door, stance casual, but he knew she would pounce at any second with no hesitation. It was the kind of power that could almost turn him straight._

_TJ shrugged knowing they were all knocked out or in great suffering in the other room, so safely kept grabbing anything he can carry. “He’ll just assume it was you, and if he asks; I'll tell him it was you.”_

_She straightened when he started walking towards her, “I should thank you though.” He continued. “want some of it?” he held a bag of some blue pills. She shook her head and smiled. “If I can't offer you drugs, I can offer you goods.”_

_Her hand touched his cheek lightly and laughed quietly. He didn't care to find out if it was at his expense. “And what’s that?” she asked.  
___

__Natasha had a twinkle of humour in her eyes as she announced to the table, “you're an excellent kisser.”_ _

__

__Her boyfriend, Clint, laughed and asked, “can I test that?” TJ only gave him a suggestive look, then glanced at Steve who kept quiet through the story._ _

__

__His face remained neutral and his smile between the trained politeness and the forced kind. He didn't dwell too long on it as Clint steered the conversation all over the place, gesturing animatedly with a touch of laziness. How he mastered the combination was truly astounding. Natasha wasn't much impressed but had a fond look in her eyes, until it wasn't enough and she had to shut him up. Steve switched between amused and covering his face._ _

__

__TJ couldn't remember the last time he sat with a group of friends and didn't feel like dying, the way they effortlessly pulled him into their mindless chatter made his heart hurt and long for a life he could've had. A life he would have fought for._ _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> phew. Took me long enough. Well, now I am gonna spend equal time trying to decide to go with Conviction canon or just ignore it. And what pairing this is leading to.
> 
> Is anyone still reading this fic? pls tell me so I don't feel alone here. Thank you.


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